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Don't understand

From: FurMummy - 6 years 2 weeks ago

Was diagnosed with Hashimoto's about 4 years ago. I kept getting sick-bronchitis, sinus infections. That's what led to my very first complete bloodwork at age 43. My thyroid antibodies were outrageously high & I was referred to an endo who diagnosed Hashimoto's but said only thing he could do was a steroid injection to help temporarily but would cause even more weight gain.
I had the thyroid ultrasound done & a growth was found but was right at the baseline measurement to be biopsied. No biopsy was done. I was told by the tech not to worry because if it was cancer, it's the best place to have it. (Is any cancer good really good?) I went home & curled up on the couch and cried for a week straight. I had just lost a friend to cancer and lost my only surviving parent who died unexpectedly in their sleep from CHF. (Oh, the VA said that day that it was only pharyngitis and sent home a Z-pak despite the edema and history of cardiac issues and diabetes).

I have pain almost constantly & debilitating fatigue. At times I feel as if I'm going senile and must write everything down. I used to have a photographic memory and was a Dean's List student in college, even scoring highest on some tests in large classes. (I fear those days are gone).
I can't describe the fatigue. It's not the same as being tired from not sleeping. I can some days sleep all day and all night and still e exhausted. I feel so lazy but I can't function. My legs/ feet go numb but the hurt. Does that make sense? I dread the summers and the heat but yet sometimes I freeze when the house is 65 degrees. (Usually keep it at 57 due to heating costs).

I saw a neurologist as I had someone tell me I had all the symptoms of MS. The neuro had me take off my shoes and walk then said, "I don't think you have MS." They looked over my previous bloodwork & said it was "all messed up" but didn't look like Hashimoto's to them but since an endo diagnosed it they would keep it at that. I was told it sounded like fibromyalgia, which I always believed was a diagnosis when they couldn't tell you an answer. I was told the pain I felt was my "perception," and that it really wasn't that bad. I was referred to a psychiatrist and prescribed Cymbalta but it doesn't seem to help with the pain or the fatigue and I'm getting more and more depressed feeling as if I'm trapped in this body. Even as a former educated health professional I was really beginning to think that maybe I did have a psych problem. After all, the neurologist told me the pain isn't there, it's only my "perception." I swore to the doctors that I was not imagining the constant pain or the fatigue. I felt achy as if I had a bad case of the flu and I was so exhausted that it was incapacitating. My hair was coming out in clumps when I showered so much that I was convinced I'd be bald in a matter of weeks and my nails/ skin were horribly dry, no matter what I used. The tiniest touch could put me through the ceiling.
My endo moved away and I saw a new endo. They confirmed that that it was Hashimoto's and that my antibodies would remain high and despite having a "slightly" lower TSH or T4 there was nothing that could be done, nothing that could help. I would have to learn to cope with these symptoms for the rest of my life and every 6 months do more blood work (that for whatever reason my insurance won't cover) and another ultrasound. The 2nd ultrasound showed another growth but the 1st growth now
could not be seen. No one seemed concerned despite my saying that I swear that I can feel something in my throat. (I do have huge tonsils though).
I try exercising and losing weight. I am awakened very early on my off days as I have animals that need me as much as I need them. I continue to work full time and commute, by flight, to my job where I do long hours and my average wake up call is around 2.30AM.
When I fly home, then finally get the shuttle to my raggedy old car and drive the 40 mile drive home on busy highways, I'm exhausted yet sometimes I have trouble sleeping.
I have "friends" that I've tried to explain this to yet they continue to want me to go out to eat or join them for this or that. It's not that I don't want to see them. I do, but physically I can't move. It's an accomplishment for me to even get up and shower or brush my teeth. I eat out with my job all the time and deal with tons of people. I want to please get a couple days rest and be with my animals. I know they mean well thinking if they drag me around I somehow will miraculously be cured of these depressing symptoms but it just makes things harder.
A good friend, who has had health issues of her own, is pretty much writing me off, saying that I'm sick because I do nothing! (I see specialists, I read trying to educate myself, I do my blood work and ultrasounds as instructed). I was told I just need to "pick myself up by the bootstraps and get on with it." My good friend has rekindled her friendship with another friend who has moved back in to the area and has told me she will no longer discuss my saying "I'm not feeling well" anymore. She's "tired of me not being able to do things." I DO want to do lots of things that I used to do. When she was sick I was very supportive. When she went through job issues I was very supportive. I know it's difficult for others to understand. To look at me you could never tell how I feel on the inside. I might not even understand if not for having these symptoms.
I'm just wondering why though the endo isn't doing anything. Isn't there anything at all I can do to reclaim my life as I once knew it? The endo told me also that there is a very, very tiny chance that Hashimoto's will damage my thyroid but why are there growths? Why are my antibodies high? I have been reading that once you have one auto-I mine disorder you are prone to more. Great news, huh?
I just guess it helps to know if others have the same experiences and if there is hope? I feel as if I'm just slowly dying and I'm only in my 40's.

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