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Posted in: Graves’ Disease.

Graves disease

From: cindyh - 36 weeks 6 days ago

Well my first time here. I am a 63 year old female who just a year and a half ago was active, working out daily, tanning. Spending time in the pool, bike riding and walking. Now today are you in the house in a little more later I look a hundred years old I went from 130 lb to now 104 lb. I was originally diagnosed with hyperthyroid disease and Graves disease in 2005 which is that time it took two years for me to get my levels right and to get well. I then went into remission but over the years I had times that I knew my levels were not normal even though I was being told by the doctor that they were. I felt anxious I felt nervous inside I was shaking on the inside my heart rate was faster than normal and I knew that it was my thyroid but all the while my doctors were saying no it's not your thyroid your levels are normal and then all of a sudden one day I said I want you to check my thyroid levels again and did you check my antibodies? My doctor said no I didn't why should I or do you want me to? I said yes I meant to ask you every time but I would forget but yes please do. So he did and of course this time finally my thyroid levels we're High my antibodies were very high and that's when my nightmare began. They put me on the thyroid medication that begins with an M I can't even remember the name right now but they put me on that one it didn't work so they changed it they put me on ptu and that is not working . So I ended up supposedly supposed to have a complete thyroidectomy but you stretched up vocal nerve and he had to stop the surgery so that left me with the right side and the right side has 3 nodules on it 1 almost 5 centimeters and the other one 2.5 and the other one is a 1.5 my life has been a total disaster. I have always been known to be a kind person always smiling always helpful to others and now I'm somebody that I don't even know. And sometimes I feel like I don't even care and I know that that's wrong. My boyfriend of 17 years Noah's of course of my condition and he knows that it causes mood swings and rages of anger and so on and so on and at first it seemed like he was tolerating it well but now he doesn't he will look at me and say do not yell at me in a loud voice and we're normally I would have said oh I'm so sorry I didn't I walk out the room or I'll walk outside and I get pissed off because I feel like yes maybe I should not have acted like that but you know that I'm sick and you're going to come back and yell at me and I feel like that doesn't help me at all. I mean some days I am so angry and I don't even know why if my boyfriend ask me something and he doesn't hear me because often he does not hear me I'm soft-spoken and I will finally say I did answer you I said but I'll raise my voice when I say it and then he says you do not have to yell at me all you have to do is answer me and I'm like I did answer you but you didn't hear me it's so when I raise my voice so you can hear me then you get mad because I yelled at you. Anyway I am do to have surgery again to remove the other half in March. I'm scared to death of the surgery the Rai was considered but I've had this for so long now and my thyroid is large it's got multiple active toxic nodules on it and I don't feel like I have the time to mess around with Rai treatment. I just took my blood pressure because I felt my heart going so fast and my blood pressure was 181 over a hundred and one my heart rate was 121 keep in mind this is been going on for over a year so surgery scares me I'm terrified of going into a thyroid storm because I know that that is a great possibility but at this point I don't feel like I really have a choice if I stay like I am according to the doctors my heart will just die it can't continue like this if I have to surgery it's a high-risk surgery for me. So I ended up supposedly supposed to have a complete thyroid back to me but he stretched of O'Connor Benny I just talked to surgery so. Left me with the right side and the right side has three nodules on it one almost 5 centimeters and the other 12.5 and the other one is a 1.5 my life has been a total disaster. I have always been known to be a kind person always smiling always helpful to others and now I'm somebody that I don't even know. And sometimes I feel like I don't even care and I know is wrong. My boyfriend of 17 years knows of course of my condition and he knows that it causes mood swings and rages of anger and so on and so on and it first it seem like he was understanding and patient it but now he doesn't so much anymore as I believe he's a grown very tired of me and my ugly attitude and I cannot blame him for that he will look at me and say do not yell at me in a loud voice and normally I would have said oh I'm so sorry but I don't. I walk out the room or I'll walk outside and I get pissed off because I feel like yes I should not have acted like that but you know that I'm sick and you're going to come back and yell at me and I feel like that doesn't help me at all. He throws his hands up in the air rolls his eyes at me and you never did things like that before but he's been doing that for the last 3 months now. I mean some days I am so angry and I don't even know why. my boyfriend asked me something and he often does not hear because I I am spoken and I will finally say I did answer you but you didn't hear me so I raise my then he says you do not have yell at me all you have to do is answer me and I'm like a did answer you but you didn't hear me so when I raise my voice so you can hear me then you get mad because I yelled. He doesn't realize that it takes a lot of energy for me to speak loudly where he can hear me it really does I get short of breath when I try to talk especially if I have to talk loud so sometimes I don't mean to be yelling but when I say it loud enough for him to hear me to him I just yelled at him and it makes him mad. To me I feel like he has become tired of me tired of the way I act because I was never ever like this before. I was always sweet he always used to comment about I was the sweetest person that he had ever met and I was so caring about other people but I'm not that person anymore. I wish I was I want to be but when I get in these moods or I feel angry and sometimes I don't even know why I can't control it it comes out before I even know it's going to come out I say things that I don't think I had of when I say him it just comes out of my mouth and I'll be like where did that come from why did I say that why did I act like that. Anyway I am due to have surgery again to remove the other half in March. I'm scared to death of the surgery the Rai was considered but I had this for so long now and my thyroid is large with multiple active toxic nodules on it and I don't feel like I have the time to mess around with Rai treatment. I just took my blood because I felt my heart going so fast and my blood pressure was 181/101 my heart rate was a 121 keep in mind this is been going on for over a year so surgery scares me I'm terrified of going into a thyroid storm because I know that is a great possibility but at this point I don't feel like I really have a choice if I stay like I am according to the doctors my heart will just died it can't continue like this if I have to surgery it's a high risk surgery for me this whole thing has my mind in turmoil. It angers me and I feel in capable of making the right decisions. My big concern is I see what this is doing to my relationship of 17 years. I know that no one can tell me what to do, I understand that but with that said I do want to know people's opinions. I need someone to talk to because I have no one to really talk to that understands this disease that understands what it does to you not just physically but mentally. Also I have severe degenerative disc disease, nerve damage to my bladder, nerve damage in my neck so I live in pain on a daily basis. On top of that I have been sick for over a year-and-a-half now with Graves disease. I'm not pleasant to be around I'm not fun to be around. I have my moments where I laugh talk but they're very short very far and few in between. My question is should I go stay with someone else until I have my surgery and start feeling better if that is at all possibility instead of staying here and ruining a relationship a good relationship that I've had all these years. I see it deteriorating right before my eyes. I hope I hear from someone soon

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