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EndocrineWeb Community Advice

Being in a relationship with someone with Graves Disease

From: 7papi4 - 2 years 14 weeks ago

Hello my Fiancé was diagnosed with Graves Disease about a year and a half ago. When we first met 4+ years ago she was the sweetest woman in the world. Always together with each other laughing joking it was the best ever. About 2 yrs ago we started having arguments over some silly stuff but also things I was doing as well. I would try to correct my mistakes and do good but it wasn't good enough. When she found out she had it I knew nothing about what exactly it was or what it does to people. We were trying to have children but because of this we couldn't. So her doctor gave her 2 choices either operate or take a radiation pill and distroy it. So she took the pill. Her levels have been all over the place and she keeps going back. Every time she gets in Meds she's great the first month or two then it's back to the evil person inside. Well this past June she moved out saying it wasn't working she wasn't happy and I begged her to let us try and work things out. Her parents even got involved and told her to try couples counseling so we have. Our sex life has almost diminished it's maybe once or twice a month and its when she wants it. Well we had been doing better with counseling. Since she moved I would give her money to help her bills or whatever she needed. I love her more than anything. but then she lost it with her brother over something crazy she called her mom going off and her mom told her to call when she has calmed down, well she texted me telling me what happened and I tried calming her down. So the same day she posted on Facebook about a trivia game I saw it and went and bought telling her it was the last one and joking that she had to get her own, I even put "LOL" after my text. She said to me that she didn't think she wanted to work things out and she was done. My heart sank I called to talk to her and she finally answered but was very ugly telling me she would always love my but she wasn't in love and was unhappy the worse thing anyone who is in love would want to hear. Just last week we were talking about our wedding having kids and even having her dream house built and started the process. Then this, I'm asking for help being I have lost both my parents and really have no one to turn to that knows about this disease. Does this sound like the Graves' disease is making her this way or does she really want it over. Even her own family knows this isn't her the way she has been acting. Some one please help.

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3 Responses

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Hi 7Papi4, I am so sorry to hear of the hard time you have been having. I was diagnosed with Graves Disease many years ago (I was overactive and putting on weight). My doctor said this happens in 13% of patients. I had the radiation pill to get me underactive so I could start taking thyroxine tablets (you can't take thyroxin until you are underactive). Before I started taking the thyroxine tablets, my doctor did blood tests (this is important to do to be able to prescribe the correct dosage of thyroxin). I started taking thyroxin and ate healthy and I have been doing well. I have never experienced anything like the way your fiancee is behaving even when I started putting on weight. That was a huge problem for me but I just kept eating healthy and eventually after many blood tests my doctor got the correct dosage of thyroxin, and I started losing weight slowly. How your fiancee is behaving could be another issue but I honestly do not believe it is from having Grave's Disease. Yes it can make you put on weight, be a little irritable which I experienced, but I definitely was not angry or horrid toward my family. I know how hard this must be for you especially not having your parents to support you, but you must be strong and not let this hold you back in your own life. I believe that when one door closes, another door with even greater blessings will be open to you. I wish you all the very best with your future endeavours. With best wishes, Dorrie.

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My daughter was recently diagnosed with graves about 3 months ago. A lot of the symptoms you are describing she went thru and more (irritable, couldn't concentrate, forgetful, crying, abdominal pain, tired, hungry all the time...yet losing weight, rapid heart beat, buldging eyes, enlarged thyroid). She is only 13yrs old and gets her blood test almost every week. From what I understand there are three ways to treat graves. Meds like methimazole that you take twice a day for about a yr then the Drs wean you off and you see if you have graves anymore. These meds you must take everyday and they take about three weeks to kick in and begin to eliviate the symptoms. However the % is high that it will return and you need to watch for the symptoms. The other way as you mentioned is the radioactive iodine. And the third (what we have decided for our child) is surgery. After the surgery she will begin to take another med everyday for the rest of her life. I am also told regardless of treatment when someone who has or had graves you must tell your gyno as you are now a high risk.
You mentioned she takes the meds and all is good for the first three weeks and then she goes back to being irritable. Is she truly taking the meds daily? Unfortunately graves is the devil and you cannot control how you are acting or feeling .... It's just like pms'ing times 20.
As for you, you will need to reach inside yourself and find the strength to honor your vows and figure out a way to find out if she is taking the meds daily or should seek another treatment. I find talking to my daughter when she is uncontrollable in soft tones... But she snaps at me too. I wish you well with your decision and strength to continue to help her get back to being healthy.

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I went through the same thing except he is a male.We were together for 7 years. His mood would shift allover place, anxious and angry all the time. Emotionally, he was distant he would be affectionate and then distanced, it truly would break my heart. They once told me they loved me then when we talked about it they acted like i was a stranger. This is after I moved in, after we made plans, after I gave him 6 years of my life. I suggested counseling and they flew off the deep end. It impacts everyone differently, but i learned this is rather common. They literally told me one day that i can't pressure them to be with me. I told him rather plainly that I will always be there but they need to check their levels. Two days later they got into an argument while out with their friends. Someone spilled a drink on them and they nearly got arrested. When their doctor ran their T3 and T4 levels they were completely off the charts. Strangle, when they became level they became paranoid, distanced , cold, and no libido whatsoever. We once went 7 months without them touching me , kissing me, or being sexually intimate, it was so bad, and they didn't even realize how detached they were. They would get mad if I stayed but pushed me away. It was as if nothing in the world made him ethusiastic. Then he would get mad because he couldn't focus, or concentrate.

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